{i can vent a little}

I am having "one of those days." All morning long Nolan has been sitting by the window asking to go outside and see the cement truck. The neighbors are redoing their porch so there is every kind of truck out there. The thing about it is....it's too freaking cold outside!!! I really don't want to sit outside with Luke crying and Nolan just staring when he could stare from inside our warm apartment. So I didn't let Nolan watch the truck outside pretty much all morning long. You think that would be fine right? Oh no! This kid has been throwing a tantrum left and right since I told him not right now. He has been on time out about 30 times and has hit or slapped me across the face at least 20. Needless to say, I am having "one of those days." Is it child abuse to throw your kid into their crib and not look back? (this is Nolan, not Luke)
Seriously though, why do kids go crazy like this? I even had Nolan sit in my lap and say a prayer that he would be a good boy and be happy and enjoy the day. Not feeling the love from that prayer. Probably because my faith is wavering in my child today but still, help a lady out.
Normally I can deal with Nolan's terrible two's but it hasn't been just him today. That's right, Luke has been crying pretty much the entire morning. Did I sign up for this? I'm about ready to pull my hair out.
To top it off, any time I pass our mirror in the main room, which is all day, I can't help but be disgusted about what I look like. I am pretty much albino from being indoors all day long, I haven't applied makeup today, I am about 15 pounds heavier than I have ever been thanks to my little bundle of joy, clothes these days just don't look as good as they use to, and my bangs are in that horrible stage where I either need to cut them or tough it out to let them grow.
Does anybody else feel my pain? I can't really vent to Jake right now because he is too busy or stressed with school. Plus, I don't want him to worry about me or the boys. So the blog was the next best idea to get all my frustrations out. (better this than taking it out on my kids)
I'm really trying to be positive about what I am doing right now in my life. Sometimes I get depressed and selfish and think only about myself. I know, it's bad. But then I remember how important I am in my kids lives. I was looking at a friend's blog and she had this quote......

You are the trip I did not take,

You are the pearls I cannot buy,

You are my blue Italian lake,

You are my piece of foreign sky.

Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley quoted from "To My Child"

It put a smile on my face. It is a huge sacrifice to be a mother. A sacrifice that I need so much to grow and become a better person! So really, my kids are my life and I love them! Even when they scream and hit me all day long. Someday that won't be the case and my boys will smoother me with kisses and hugs. Thanks for letting me vent. And thanks Ky for giving me the boost I needed.